Though most common with one-above selves,
(the big guns) drama and high intensity can also be found in the theatrical suffering of
one-below selves like ‘poor me’, the ‘martyr’ (crucified), the bird
with the broken wing, the dramatic opera player and similar selves that overplay the
victim role.
On the other hand someone may appear to be too calm and controlled, to the point where you
suspect they are blocking their emotions. This is just a polar opposite form of intensity
because far from being shut down their selves are actually intensely busy mixing loads of
fast setting emotion blocking concrete to shut down feelings or keep them walled up in the
cellar.
One-below selves that are busy making deals, or setting up any kind of
‘conditional’ relationship warranty can also work
very dramatically with lots of energy to convince the other person to accept the opposite
side of the contract (the pay-off that self is looking for). In the same way, one-below
selves are equally busy if they are using any form of mental or physical seduction to set
up relationship deals in the hope that these deals might ‘fix’ interpersonal
problems.
.
This explains how a lesser one-below self can still be defined as
controlling or even powerful when it is using high intensity
or high drama to get what it wants or make its point.
In intensity a self may use a cannon to attack, (anger
and criticism) hang themselves up on a crucifix (dramatic victim), rapid setting emotional
concrete or just kind of over rev
their motor |
If there is drama in the air or if you can
feel high intensity (whether it is coming from a one-above or one-below self) learn to
recognise this is a sign telling you that somewhere inside a self is operating as a way of
coping with increased vulnerability or in a desperate attempt to avoid facing some aspect
of reality that the individual needs to avoid for the moment.
Be aware
also, that if the intensity is in you is really strong, other people cannot help feeling
the impact. Your selves may think you are feeling intensity 'very quietly' but even though
they may try to hide it there are clues about intensity that other people can't help
noticing. A basic aspect of most inner selves is the way they project our energy and
attention outwards towards other people. When our selves rev up our intensity it is
impossible for other people not to feel it consciously or unconsciously.
Coping With High Intensity in Others
Understanding and dealing with a self in high intensity is never
easy for those on the receiving end. You may try to
be ‘friendly’, but your unspoken messages (coming from your selves) will be too
powerful not to create feelings of discomfort which will in turn restrict communication
between you and have a negative effect on a relationship. For a start, the
intensity and drama is more than likely to trigger their own selves into a counter
intensity, leading to a negative bonding pattern. The more you are in a committed state
with the other person, the more likely this is to happen.
The secret is to work from within your aware adult. This will allow you to see that the
intensity and energy in the other person (their cannon, their crucifix or their wet
concrete) is telling you three very important things about that person at the present
time:
1. They are experiencing feelings of extreme vulnerability, though they
may not be able to see this as well as you can.
2. Forcing them to face reality (awareness) at this time is not going
to help them. The very purpose of their intensity is to keep this awareness from
happening.
3. The self creating the intensity is younger rather than older in
emotional age
Recognising this becomes easier as you develop adult boundaries and
learn to keep yourself out of the enmeshment trap. It also reminds you to keep away from
well meaning attempts to ‘help’ the person by bringing them back into a more
aware situation. They are not yet ready for this.
How Does it End?
After a while the signs of excessive energy
abate. Lower levels of drama or energetic intensity may mean that vulnerability levels are
lower, or on the other hand it could be a sign that the one-below selves have gone into
compliant surrender to keep out of trouble. At this point, another self like the
‘peace-keeper’ or ‘don’t rock the boat’ steps in and attempts to
repair the damage.
However, if the previously intense person is really able to move away
from their adapted inner selves, you, and they too, will be able to feel a more balanced
non polarised, non judgemental energy.
Another easily observed example of true low intensity is a quiet yet
positive state, called adult humility. This state differs from ‘normal’ humility
in that it is not one -below and is low in intensity. A person in this state:
4 recognises that he or she sometimes makes mistakes and is
able to own this openly
4 is aware that feeling intensely sure they are
‘right’ suggests they are in a polarised state and under the control of a
one-above self (and feeling vulnerable too!)
4 recognises all the above as indicators suggesting that they
might well be a bit out of touch with reality and therefore somewhere less than
‘accurate’ in any position they might take about anyone being ‘right’
or ‘wrong’
4 is ready to accept positive adult feedback from others and
consider other options and alternate realities
4 looks for ways to fix actual mistakes or make amends, rather
than defend what their inner self has done
These are all good signs that the aware adult (and perhaps some of the
integrated or solid selves) are in charge.
The grown-up aware adult state of mind has a different feel about it, which you will
learn to recognise as you become more familiar with it.
RETURN TO A Dynamic or Energetic
Approach to Understanding the Inner Selves .
Copyright
© John
Nutting 1996 - - 2004 and ©
GROWING AWARENESS All rights reserved World Wide LAST
UPDATE Wednesday, 01 April 2009 11:53
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