What is Love?

It’s a question we all ask. Here’s my favourite definition -
Love is an unconditional and healthy concern for the well-being of another person, held in balance with an equally strong concern for one's own well-being. So if it's really love, your concern for that someone special has to be unconditional - you give it without requiring anything in return. The only limit, but it’s a big one, is that you love yourself to a similar degree. Leave that out and again, it's not really love.

What is Commitment?
However, healthy relationships also need commitment, which is conditional. If a relationship is defined by conditions agreed on by both people then it has commitment.

What is a Successful Relationship?
If you can hold the balance between unconditional love and conditional commitment you have learned one of the great secrets of successful relationships.

What is an Unsuccessful Relationship?
Any imbalance between unconditional love and conditional commitment is a source of major trouble in relationships.
The worst relationship problems arise when one partner (or both) give unconditional commitment (love addiction) in combination with conditional love! This means the inner selves are running everything and the aware adult system is not even present in the relationship.

See also

The Many Languages of Love

The fable of the two codependents

RETURN TO VOICE DIALOGUE - GETTING TO KNOW YOUR INNER SELVES

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