Inner selves, VOICE DIALOGUE and addictive Cycles*
| You will notice I exercise caution about when and where I use the label ‘addict’. I am a recovering addict and comfortable with that label for myself, but many one-above selves (especially in other people) will not be as tolerant. This suggests the need for great care when using the ‘addict’ label to refer to another individual, unless you admit freely to being one yourself. |
Your inner protector characters (inner selves) exist to provide short term protection from vulnerability
We know that no matter what else may make one self unique, it is the same as any other self, in that its role is to protect us, not harm us, by attempting to provide immediate (even if only short term) protection from vulnerability.
A self’s perception of the current ‘vulnerability’ may or may not be accurate, but its intention is incredibly one-minded, so whatever it sees as the cause of the pain, fear or anxiety is what it locks its radar onto, rapidly and automatically as it goes in for the most immediate and available protection.
If that protection involves using (what they see as a powerful medication, pain killer or anaesthetic) to get rid of the vulnerable feelings, or emotional pain, then there will be some selves that are all in favour of this, regardless of the long term risks. These are the enabler selves.
The enabler selves versus the sober selves
Of course, there are always some sober selves present who see the dangers of over using the medication or pain killer and try to stop it.
In the case of the addictive cycle however, the ‘enabler’ self voices (‘One drink won’t hurt’ – ‘We can stop any time we want to’ - We just need to ease that awful pain’) are more primary and much stronger than the ‘sober’ ones.
There is no actual ‘addict’ self
On the other hand it is hard to perceive any one of the selves acting as an actual ‘addictive self’ since the addictive cycle is not on its own a form of ‘protection’.
As you look at the severity and damage caused by the addictive medication cycle, you also notice just how cunning, persistent and baffling it is. The idea of one of our own inner selves promoting such obviously self destructive behaviour and repeating it again and again raises many questions.
The addict self may be a carried self or another kind of self that differs from those described in this book. What I am sure of is that it is not one of our ordinary protector selves.
The inner critic gets involved
Another key player is of course the inner critic and this is where things get complicated. The degree to which a one-above self rejects or blocks a polar opposite self is closely related to how successful that self happens to be in stopping us from feeling vulnerable.
The inner critic is of course one of the most judgmental of all the one-above selves, so after the enabler selves have had their day and the binge is over the inner critic comes on the scene and beats up every self responsible, because they failed to provide better protection.
The inner critic and the addictive cycle
But what if the original pain and vulnerability was caused by feelings of low self-esteem, guilt and shame? If the inner critic’s beat up includes, as it usually does, self-shaming (‘ Look at what you’ve done!’) that just hooks straight back into the original shame. ‘We’re a no good, a total failure’.
The resulting loss of self-esteem and guilt may even be worse than before, which throws the enabler selves back in the primary seat as they again offer a fast way out ‘We have to have a drink or a smoke. That’s the only way to ease it.’
This is the essence of the addictive cycle as the enabler selves, the short fix specialists fight it out with the inner critic, round after round. It’s a no-win situation. Of course, if other people get involved on the side of the inner critic and apply labels such as (‘You’ve got an addiction! You’re an alcoholic! You’re a drug abuser!) this helps push the shame harder and the cycle becomes more set in than ever.
Knowing I am an addict only alerts me to the outcome. My real problem is that I am trapped in a cycle and my inner selves don’t know any functional way to get out of it. I need a way out rather than a better label.
The one exception to this is a therapy group or twelve step meeting where shaming and judgement is suspended. It helps if everyone including the therapist or group leader also identifies with and wears the label as a fellow addict, but even there, it may be preferable to keep the emphasis on the ‘enabling selves versus inner critic’ as the central point of the addictive cycle, rather than just talking about addictions and labelling people as addicts.
Voice dialogue opens the door
This is where voice dialogue offers so many practical answers. Dialoguing can rapidly move the ‘addict’ into awareness of the real problem and at least partly out of denial. As soon as the individual starts to identify the enabling selves as ‘short term protectors’ he or she is on the way to less shame and guilt.
Once they achieve even partial separation from each self, the individual is also learning how to make choices about which selves are going to ‘drive the bus’ and when. For the first time they begin to sense personal empowerment in that it is the individual (in their aware adult state) who has the power to change the cycle, rather than the therapist.
I have had the most success using voice dialogue with the ‘process’ addictive cycles, love and sex addiction in particular, work addiction and gambling too. I am working with several clients on eating addictions with mixed results. With substance addictions the task is harder. I have had some success using voice dialogue with nicotine and marijuana smokers probably because there is less shame involved in using these substances.
Watch out for the addictive pleaser
With alcohol and hard drugs the addictive pleaser self is a major problem. When primary, it has the ability to do the most ‘perfect’ voice dialogue sessions anyone could ask for. The clients are ecstatic (or their pleaser is anyhow) as they report total sobriety achieved after only one or two sessions. Some time later, I notice that the ‘cured’ client is cancelling more and more sessions and gradually losing contact. In several cases I have learned later on that they had slipped back into the old cycle again. My inner cynic is now much more wary of those ‘perfect’ sessions.
See also
Addictive cycles - over medication and vulnerability
Overview of Typical Addictive Substances and Activities
The path and the holes - a story about recovery from addictions
Feedback - please e-mail me John Bligh Nutting - at nutting@growingaware.com
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